The Body Remembers: How Trauma Shows Up in Daily Life
(And what your nervous system is trying to tell you)
If you’ve ever wondered why your body reacts before your mind can catch up, you're not alone. Maybe you notice a sudden tightness in your chest, racing thoughts, or the sudden urge to shut down or lash out at someone you love. Trauma doesn’t just live in memories. It lives in the nervous system, in the small, everyday ways your body tries to keep you safe.
Therapist and author Resmaa Menakem puts it simply: “Trauma decontextualized in a person looks like personality.” In other words, what we often label as “anxiety,” “overreaction,” or “avoidance” is sometimes the body’s way of saying, “I remember what danger felt like, and I'm trying to protect us.”
How the Body Carries the Story
Our nervous system is built to keep us safe. When we experience something overwhelming, our body stores that experience as data coded in sensations, tension, and patterns of vigilance.
That might look like:
Snapping at someone you love for something small
Avoiding situations that remind you of the past
Feeling “foggy” or disconnected when you’re stressed
Having intrusive or disturbing thoughts about something you've experienced
Struggling to rest, even when you’re exhausted
It’s easy to get caught up in feelings of guilt, shame, or failure when we fall into these patterns.
It can be so painful to notice ourselves reacting from a place of activation or trauma, and if there was a “re-do” button in those moments, I bet you’d take it.
What we can do in these moments instead, is remember that these responses are your body’s best attempt to keep you safe based on what you've experienced, and that over time, you can guide and redirect these bids for safety in ways that leave you more deeply connected to yourself and those you care about.
The Hope in All of This
Here’s more good news: what’s been learned can be unlearned (thanks, neuroplasticity!)
Most of us know that feeling of release that comes in the moment we feel really seen and understood by someone who cares. That’s the kind of safety we can begin to offer ourselves, too. When we practice compassion, build supportive connections, and tap into moments of calm, we give our nervous system the gift of remembering what safety feels like. Over time, those hypervigilant parts begin to learn that safety can be found with others (like your therapist, partner, or a friend), and not just in solitude. We get to learn that closeness doesn’t have to mean danger, and that we’re not “too much” for the people who are safe for us.
A Gentle Reminder
When we start to see those quick, reactive moments for what they truly are, the body reaching for safety, something shifts. Perspective and compassion replace judgment, space opens for reflection and repair. New, more adaptive neural pathways take root, and with them, we begin to rebuild trust and safety, both within ourselves and in our relationships.
Therapy can be an amazing place to start this reflective work. Just by reaching out, you're breaking the cycle of aloneness, sending a gentle message to your nervous system that this was never mean to be a solo journey.
Here’s to doing this together, and gentler ways forward.